Shabbally Shoopie! Welcome once again to another instalment of FFG fantrabulicious clap trap. We are really short of stuff to write about at the moment so we thought we would raid the wastepaper baskets for scrapped brainstorms and failed pilots. We found one failed pilot, his name is Trevor and he dropped out of pilot school 6 months ago, ba-boom cha. Word play, it is the way of the future.
Comic books have been flooding back into mainstream culture in a massive way over the last decade. They have made a film adaptation of every conceivable super hero and they are running out. We here at the FFG have decided to slice together a list for potential film producers to cherry pick from.
Literally Dead Man
In a world of fantasy and imagination, nothing ruins the party but the literal. We think that a good way to go would be a super hero who was just a dead guy. Literally a worm infested rotting hulk who can’t do anything apart from fall to pieces and get eaten by squirrels. His super power is decomposition and his nemesis is everything, because he is dead.
Asthma Girl
We can see Frank Miller taking this project on. The girl who had a respiratory condition but said she wasn’t going to take it anymore. Her special powers are turning blue and getting out of gym class, however she runs into logistic difficulties of any situation does not involve one of those two things. Her arch nemesis is air which is a bit of a drawback.
Derp Dee Durp
Rob Schneider is Durp Dee Durp.
Pillow Hands McGraw
This much loved character from the hit US animated romp American Dad would make a particularly terrible as he is a filthy hobo who has pillows for hands. This would mean that any attempt to subdue an enemy would result in providing them heightened comfort. His special powers are making a feast out of a rotten banana skin and a balled up tissue and his arch enemy is grandpas old cough medicine.
Aquaman
Even though this guy is a real character from comic books and all our others have been made up, including Rob Schneider, he is still the winner in being the worst super hero ever conceived. He cannot survive without water. He is basically a fish, so unless you are robbing a bank under the sea then you have nothing to worry about.
