We here at the FFG are all about eco-stuff and none of us drive a car, mainly for medical reasons, however as our site is mainly green we thought we should do our bit for the environment by advising you on thought provoking ways to recycle your used Lexus.
Eat it…
… Just eat it. Yes the king is dead but his timeless lyrics live on in witty puns that we use at our whim and fancy. You heard about that guy who ate an entire aeroplane? Well now you have, Michel Lotito a French guy who ate all sorts of indigestible matter, including an aeroplane over a period of two years. He died in 2007, of natural plane eating related causes, and as yet no-one has taken his mantle over as the guy who eats stuff that you should not really eat. This could be you with your used Lexus.
Marry it…
… Just marry it – doesn’t work so well there. Over the summer Obama took a U-turn on his forceful campaign promises to oppose the DOMA act which ‘protects’ marriage against the sins of same sex matrimony. As a pro-liberal gesture of protestation and perhaps even a little prostitution, we invite you to marry your used Lexus as so many country bumpkins have married their horses before. Lord knows the US motor industry could do with the boost.
Transform it…
We do not mean turn it into a beat garden or plant a tree in it something like that. You should slice it up real sweet and use the parts to build a Transformer suit out of which would look really cool at fancy dress parties. Then you can make your way to Hollywood, slipping unbeknownst onto the set of Transformers 3: The Laborious and kick Michael Bay square in the testes for being such a chicken lover and perpetuating the rumour that Ben Affleck is a real human being.
Sauce it…
Everyone loves a rollicking strolloping sauce bottle every now and again so why not sauce up your used Lexus? It is free, fun for all the family and also makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Imagine being the talk of the town, squiring around in your sauced up automobile generally spicing things up and other generically related descriptive terms. Shoobidie Boopedy.
Free it…
Like the film Free Willy, if you truly love someone and cannot bring yourself to eat them, then you must set them free. Perhaps the kindest way to recycle your old Lexus is to send it out to pasture in the sea. It is generally accepted that Lexus cars will naturally make their way back to their homeland of Japan, where they will be butchered and harvest for blubber and CD players.
When you stand, teary eyed in the fading dusk light, and see the darkening waves envelope your newly sauced auto spouse, you will know you made the right decision. Old Betsy [for twas her name] had a good innings and now it is time to return her from whence she came, the briny deep of downtown Tokyo, then claim on the insurance.
