News from the lobbies of Whitehall has trickled down the Fresh Food Group grapevine and we are shocked to hear that plans are being laid to cut the internet. The penny snatching politicians are planning to roll back versions of the internet in a money saving bid to cut costs and hike prices!

We here at the Fresh Food Group love fresh ideas and innovations so we were delighted to get the opportunity to review the GIT Internet Ringfence, the latest offering from General Information Technology Industries. Here is the promotional infomercial thingy:

Internet Ringfence Product Review

So we were delighted to have access to this innovative piece of kit… that delight did not last long. It became apparent very quickly that this was nothing more than a cut in half ruck sack turned inside out with some cheap garden wire stuck clumsily around the edges. There was an old style phone, car stereo and some wires stuck to the wire mesh – but that was as technical as it gets.

When meeting Tory McGill, who describes himself as “Turbo charged wild dog of IT innovation, an organic dynamo of unilateral diversification hell bent on delivering cost efficiency through innovative IT solutions.” it became apparent that he was utterly insane. The persona in the infomercial is not a persona; he is genuinely like that in real life – mad as a Spaniard’s purse.

When asked how the Ringfence was powered Tory McGill replied, “it is a wireless organic solar integrated into the IP mirrors,” then added, “it’s also fully kosher-degradable and suitable for atheist vegans.” This is about as far as we got before he began blithering about the sale of amenities and how water was now going to be known as Branson, after its name was sold to an anonymous English Businessman.

GIT Ringfence

The assistant you see modelling the GIT Ringfence obviously had some kind of serious head injury as a child, he was incapable of stringing a sentence together and just kept doing lunges sporting the so called internet Ringfence.

So unfortunately we don’t have a review about the GIT Ringfence because it is a collection of knick knacks glued together in a random mêlée of incompetence. If you see McGill then cross the road and run very fast in the opposite direction.

Please share this video and embed where possible.

We have decided that there is a future in this interweb thingy after all and have decided to run a test on how long it takes for Google spiders to crawl out of their webs and visit come kind of Cafe Index… oh right, sorry the new Caffeine index… what?

Ok we are testing the Googing Cinder Expat ink. So here we go:

Communication Training
Recruitment
Blinds

Blinds in Ireland

Records Management

More Records Management

Electrical Wholesales

Periodicals Archive

Education Textbooks

New Homes

Document Scanning Services

Wine

Wine Online

Sixth Form College

We will be back with the results never as we have died of hell and boredem.

FFG Thought For The Day: I want To Say ‘Gargle Spandex’?

We have blogged on this subject before and it never ceases to amaze us the lengths that dog owners are willing to go to in order to make their precious pooch stand out with dog clothes. You can see anything from pink studded dog collars to the whole shebang; I am talking about full doggy sunglasses and novelty reindeer antlers.

The big question is, why? Dog clothes only really work with small dogs as there is no canine High and Mighty [that we are aware of] to provide for the larger dog. Additionally a Doberman in a tutu just makes them even more frightening. So a small dog is already up against it, so why pile on the misery by dressing them up like Yoda?

Dog Fashion

I concede that certain dogs need to be protected against the cold and we are not living in a Lutheran society, so why not jazz it up a little bit. There is a broad range of dog fashion which serves a practical purpose beyond our own amusement; you can even buy your Jack Russell a skull and crossbones style hoody!

That serves a practical purpose in making your dog, which could easily have a complex about being so small, feel like a bit of tough guy. If you dog is having its treats stolen by a group of bigger dogs over the park, then dress it up in this outfit and watch them retreat with their tails between their legs.

There is a demographic of people who have felt the full extent of the turbulent economic patch that has been the last 18 months; small business owners have been kicked squarely in the dangly bits. Due to what has been profiled in the media as outright greed, banks have brought the borrowing and lending nature of business finance to its knees and as we all know, it takes money to make money!

Clichés aside, what can be done for the struggling small business owner who is desperately trying to raise capital to grow their business? After all, recessions are traditionally a good time to grow your business if you can stay afloat. One method of business finance which is proving relatively successful is invoice finance.

Invoice Finance

One of the main reasons that small businesses come a-cropper is that they fall down on the collection of invoices. They might be the best in the world at what they do, however when it comes to collecting invoices, especially from larger companies or corporations, they fall down as their cash flow gets messed up putting them in a precarious position.

This is especially true in this economic environment when there is a ‘switch the lights out’ first – ask questions later kind of attitude from lenders. Invoice finance works in a relatively simple manner. A third party will perform a risk assessment on your outstanding invoices and loan money against the amount based on collection risk assessment [massively simplified].

Credit Control

This form of business finance often comes hand in hand with credit control and companies providing this service often offer outsourced credit control options. I relay this information as a small business owner who did not even know this option existed before I stumbled over an article. I am sure it depends on what company you go with and would have a legal representative look over all the fine print before going ahead.

In this ‘economic climate’ [sick of hearing this phrase], it is an option as other forms of business finance are shutting their doors, despite the massive government subsidies to kick-start lending to small businesses that they decided to splash all over the place on bonuses and small diamond figurines of leading sales people… don’t get me started! However there are other options… that’s the main point.

As brainwashed consumers we hide in our possessions. We express love by giving material objects and focus our energies on whether to purchase ready made curtains or if blinds would match the parquet floor better. When your idea of foreplay is looking at curtain samples, it’s time to call in the marriage counsellor.

This is an extremely cynical representation of the institution of marriage however not without foundation. The redecoration of your house might well add value to your property, however it will rarely add half the value on top, this is the bill you will be facing when you get divorced after you run out of stuff to glue to other stuff.

In case you didn’t notice I recently had an argument with my wife about curtains. Redecorating can be fun and bring a couple together, if you can find two people who care an equal amount about it. After seeing a gagillion samples of curtain fabric I just don’t care anymore. The fact that I said that instead of lying about it is apparently the big problem.

Perhaps it is when we start to not be able to work together on these projects when the problems arise. In the beginning we are able to overlook these little things and suffer inconveniences and foibles with an endearing smile, still with that warm feeling.

On a Saturday afternoon you can almost hear the playful paint splashes and teasing disagreements of young couples in love decorating their first home, and if you listen very, very closely, you might be able to hear the faint sound of me wiping my backside with these curtain samples!

Is there a difference between product design and invention? When looking at the most significant inventions of all time from the abacus to Aspirin, they all served a purpose that was clearly identifiable from pure commercialism. Perhaps the difference between product design and invention in its purest form could be attributed to this factor.

If we look at the most notable inventions post 1960 they have mostly been born from commercial interests. Advances in medical technology are mostly controlled by funding from pharmaceutical companies, engineering advances are based around delivering return on investment and technological advances are motivated by delivering dividends to share holders.

Industrial Product Design

The state of industrial product design can be summarised by examining two of the most significant inventions of the 20th century, the motor car and the aeroplane. Both industries are now in turmoil and the grounding of the concord typifies the struggle between commercial reality and progress. The technology developed was not commercially viable so development stopped.

Another example of this is the motor industry. All of the technology and resources exist to create functional clean fuel cars, however this is not being explored in its entirety due to commercial constraint. So hybrid or low emission fuels are being explored, but the resources are not being made available to develop electric or hydrogen driven cars which could have significant environmental impact due to the risk in investment.

Invention From Necessity

Necessity is claimed to be the mother of invention and over the last five years the standard of living of many people has slipped. Product design needs to start incorporating more invention from necessity. The important question need to be asked, ‘where do we need to improve?’, not ‘how much money can be made from this?’

The internet is a perfect example of a recent invention that has changed the world around it. Product design can refine processes and increase production, however real innovation is need to for us to progress. Instead of pumping money into a failing motor industry, surely those resources would go further in reinventing the industry so it is sustainable? The ramblings of an idealist thinking aloud.

The British National Health Service used to be a unique and admirable institution however over the last fifteen years, it has been brought to its knees. More than ever the British public are digging deep into their pockets and purchasing private health insurance policies so they can avoid the arduous task of wading through the systemic nightmare of a bureaucratic leviathan in its death throes.

The privatisation of the National Health Service has been an insidious affair. Over the last fifteen years the administration of the National Health Service has been decentralised and within those primary care trusts services have been subcontracted to third parties. By using this form of management it does not improve services, it just forces accountability away from government and pushes cost up.

Medical Insurance

The National Health Service is still sound in principal. If someone gets hit by a car and is lying in the street, then they can be taken to hospital and treated without incurring massive cost. It does not work so well for those of us who do not get hit by cars, when compared to care provided for private medical insurance policy holders.

It goes way beyond a private room with a TV. The decisions made regarding treatment are often a matter of policy, where with UK private medical insurance, it has a tendency toward patient care. For example a knee injury under the NHS will receive ‘conservative management’ as opposed to reconstructive surgery which would make the knee stronger, due to a policy outlining reconstruction to be reserved for sports injuries.

Private Health Insurance

Many mid level earners who are contributing significant amounts toward the maintenance of the NHS, so a subcontracted facilities management company can charge 150GBP to change a light bulb, are now beyond frustration; consequently turning to private health insurance. There are a lot of people making a great deal of money from the structure of the NHS.

This includes NHS employees setting up companies such as employment agencies or supply companies which are then selected as sole providers to a certain trust, so they are claiming a wage from the NHS and charging extortionate rates for their services. It is reasons such as these that account for an opt in health care system, giving tax payers the choice between NHS or private health insurance.

Whenever team building days, away days and corporate event s are mentioned around the office my mind poses the familiar question, ‘what fresh hell have they concocted for us today?’ I have had bad experiences during corporate team building days in the past. Sitting in the dingy function room of a motorway Travel Lodge with a ‘team building’ specialist called Trevor droning on whilst defacing a flip chart.

As there is nothing to focus on apart from the stale biscuits and miserable co-workers it often has the very opposite effect of team building, Mainly wanting to walk into the function room with a semi automatic weapon and squeeze off round after round… just me then. But the frustrating thing is that away days and corporate events do not have to be drudgery, they can actually be effective.

Team Building

Making a success of corporate events is not necessarily a question of money. The imagination is a wonderful thing and can be put to good use when planning team building corporate events. Last summer I attended a corporate event which could not have cost more than a few hundred pounds. The company in question organised a school style sports day for their employees with well devised team events and an atmosphere of friendly competition.

It created a real team building atmosphere, drawing parallels to work situations; mainly that working together to achieve an objective is more effective. The endorphins are flying and most people really warmed up and got involved, although there are always a few exceptions. There was a school lunchbox style catering theme and the feedback was really positive from most of the participants.

Corporate Entertainment

Not all of us are in the privileged bankers’ position where we can hire poor people to wrestle over meat and dine on Faberge Eggs for corporate entertainment. However even in this economic climate there are companies offering cost effective and imaginative solutions. If you do not want to go through a third party for your corporate entertainment then have an internal brainstorm, or run a competition for your employees to design your event.

People are your best resource and by involving them actively in your corporate events planning you can position your employees so they have a genuine investment in their events. I have seen ideas from weakest link quiz themed tam building to producing a gardening television programme. There are countless original and cost effective ideas and the best way to find the right one for your people is to inspire them to think outside the box.