Government Cutting the Internet!
News from the lobbies of Whitehall has trickled down the Fresh Food Group grapevine and we are shocked to hear that plans are being laid to cut the internet. The penny snatching politicians are planning to roll back versions of the internet in a money saving bid to cut costs and hike prices!
We here at the Fresh Food Group love fresh ideas and innovations so we were delighted to get the opportunity to review the GIT Internet Ringfence, the latest offering from General Information Technology Industries. Here is the promotional infomercial thingy:
Health Insurance
The British National Health Service used to be a unique and admirable institution however over the last fifteen years, it has been brought to its knees. More than ever the British public are digging deep into their pockets and purchasing private health insurance policies so they can avoid the arduous task of wading through the systemic nightmare of a bureaucratic leviathan in its death throes.
The privatisation of the National Health Service has been an insidious affair. Over the last fifteen years the administration of the National Health Service has been decentralised and within those primary care trusts services have been subcontracted to third parties. By using this form of management it does not improve services, it just forces accountability away from government and pushes cost up.
Corporate Events
Whenever team building days, away days and corporate event s are mentioned around the office my mind poses the familiar question, ‘what fresh hell have they concocted for us today?’ I have had bad experiences during corporate team building days in the past. Sitting in the dingy function room of a motorway Travel Lodge with a ‘team building’ specialist called Trevor droning on whilst defacing a flip chart.
Web design might seem like a relatively safe occupation, sitting around tapping away at your keyboard with the biggest risk being repetative strain disorder from playing with your… mouse too much, however recent research by the FFG team has unveiled a darker side to web design. After a comprehensive survey of the web design essex crew, we compiled a list of the top three dangers facing web design.
Guess who’s back in the mo-fo house with a big fat blog for your mouth, or eyes in case you do not read with your mouth. We have been scouring Europe for the freshest ideas and humorous food for thought the continent has to offer. Our first instalment focusses on getting the most out of your health insurance policy.
After a short sojourn in the Ardennes, quaffing duck liver pate and swilling Chablis and Carlsberg Special Brew, we hopped over to Munchen to sample the festivities of Oktoberfest, chugging tankards and ravaging buxom wenches, only to finish up in glamorous Braintree in Essex, where it was so exclusive we were arrested for not being made of gold and general scallywaggery on a Tuesday afternoon.
Every office has a clown; in our office we have 6… and we won’t release them until we are paid our veal ransom. If you have had enough of your office joker and want to get him back without resorting to a semi automatic rifle and some duct tape then this post is for you. Office pranks are common place, from replicating rear ends in colour copiers to super-gluing someone’s drawers shut [gigeddy], they go on all over the world and we have selected the picks of the respective bunch.
A recent poll on the most popular baby names has revealed ‘Jack’ as the most popular boys name in England. Traditionally England has Enjoyed naming their children John, Ebert and Cedric, however now there seems to be a decisive shift toward the more American name of Jack.
There is no definitive evidence why this has happened, however FFG research points to the fact that eveyone wants their children to grow up into a real bad-ass like Jack Bauer from the hit US crime drama ’24′. Many US male movie protagonists are called Jack, another superb example being Jack Burton, from the cult classic Big Trouble In Little China.
Yes, it may well sound like we made it up but unfortunately we have not. There has been a world gravy wrestling champion crowned. If you had not heard about the marvellous British pass time, then you have a really meaty treat in store.
The world gravy wrestling championships was held at a pub in Stacksteads, Lancashire and Bisto provided 2000 litres of Bisto for the competitors to wrestle in. The winner was Joel Hicks, a 30-year-old barrister wrestling under the name of Stone Cold Steve Bisto, won the contest. It is rumoured that Mr Hicks has now quit his legal career to pursue his dream of professional gravy wrestling.
Google’s Burning, Google’s Burning
Recently internet marketing professionals have been reporting strange results thrown back by the search engine giant Google. The search results for Google seem to have been turned on their head slightly over the last week and we at the FFG think we have discovered why.
It was reported today that the Google head offices in London actually caught fire and had to be evacuated. The fire is believed to have been started on the roof due to some barbeque equipment that operates up there, however this is still unconfirmed and other theories include that a group of techies spontaneously combusted due to being unable to break wind in Google offices.
This is an official FFG health warning to anyone located or visiting the London area. There have been recent reports of growing instances of commuters and tourists suffering severe lacerations after venturing into certain hotspots of the capital city.
Early reports suggest that there are a tribe of cult-like people who have descended on densely populated areas of London and begun slicing everyone up with pieces of paper. It is not clear whether they are a cult or a group of virally infectious brain eating Zombies but it has been confirmed by the FFG health correspondent, Randolph ‘Drink Up You’re The Weakest’ Jacobs, that the epidemic is spreading.