Sixth Form College London

Well the weather outside is frightful. The snow heaps down once again, turning old London town into a blanketed winter wonderland once more. The city’s racing pulse slows down to a trundle as the buses roll slowly through the slush and the students roll over in bed safe; the life of a student at sixth form college London.

Without sounding too archaic, in my day it would take Armageddon to shut the schools and colleges. It seems today that a couple of snowflakes are enough for all the teachers to abandon their cars somewhere on the North Circular and all the students to look out of the window, basking in the comforti8ng knowledge that their absenteeism is for once justified.

We here at the FFG are all about eco-stuff and none of us drive a car, mainly for medical reasons, however as our site is mainly green we thought we should do our bit for the environment by advising you on thought provoking ways to recycle your used Lexus.

In some cultures baldness is considered a distinguished feature, representative of knowledge and wisdom. Just not in Western culture. Here baldness is associated with a lack of virility and genetic fragility. In fact, our culture is so fanatic about hair loss that we have researched and developed procedures to move hair from one part of the body to another, commonly referred to as a hair transplant.

This is an official FFG health warning to anyone located or visiting the London area. There have been recent reports of growing instances of commuters and tourists suffering severe lacerations after venturing into certain hotspots of the capital city.

Early reports suggest that there are a tribe of cult-like people who have descended on densely populated areas of London and begun slicing everyone up with pieces of paper. It is not clear whether they are a cult or a group of virally infectious brain eating Zombies but it has been confirmed by the FFG health correspondent, Randolph ‘Drink Up You’re The Weakest’ Jacobs, that the epidemic is spreading.

We humans amuse ourselves in strange ways. Some like a gentle spot of asphyxiation on a blustery autumnal afternoon whilst others are contented to sew together the last few pieces of a patchwork quilt. Such diverse interests are instilled in early childhood while we form our personalities and this happens when we play and socialise as children.

The extreme nature of the spectrum might be surprising at first glance until we vigilantly delve into our childhoods in true Freudian zeal. We think back and realise that our parents and the toy manufacturers were actually trying to kill us. Pump action BB guns, Rambo survival kits, crib dressing that Mossad would be proud to garrotte something with and many other devices to kill and maim.

Ghost Insurance. Seriously, ghost insurance.

If you have recently had your favourite vase smashed by a hostile poltergeist or stumbled over Casper riffling through your underwear drawer then the FFG has the perfect thing for you. You can literally insure yourself or a loved one against being adversely affected by paranormal entities. The policy covers damage to property by poltergeists, injury to persons and apparently you can get 1million pounds if you can prove that you have been transformed into a vampire or werewolf.

Imagine being a dog for a day.

We here at the FFG believe that a dog’s life is underrated. Eat, sleep, excrete – all the best the things in life and if you are having a bad day, a small squeaky piece of rubber can fix everything.
Have you ever seen a dog look at one of those things? Everything else in the world disappears at the first squeak. Their ears prick up as they fix their eyes intently on what humans view as an innocuous object.
You can see in their eyes that they are thinking, “What the hell is that! Man I’ve got to get involved in some of that action. That literally looks like the greatest thing that has ever been created. My life would be so much better if I could have some of that sweetest squeakiness. Oh give it to me, please, gimme, gimme, gimme…”
This happens every time without fail. How fantastic life must be where a simple blend of colour and sound can deliver so much pleasure. Over millennia of civilisation we have developed complex cultural systems to achieve that unparalleled level of ecstasy, which a K9 experiences at the site of a rubber toy. Unparalleled that is, until now…