Toby
Every office has a clown; in our office we have 6… and we won’t release them until we are paid our veal ransom. If you have had enough of your office joker and want to get him back without resorting to a semi automatic rifle and some duct tape then this post is for you. Office pranks are common place, from replicating rear ends in colour copiers to super-gluing someone’s drawers shut [gigeddy], they go on all over the world and we have selected the picks of the respective bunch.
It is the mantra that binds generations. This glib retort echoes through playgrounds and nursing homes to world over and literally never gets old. If someone expresses the affection or passion for a certain thing, and it can be literally everything from a place to a kitchen utensil, then you repeat the timeless phrase:
Joesty Jormp-Jomp: Wow, this marmalade is particularly tasty!
Very Funny Person: If you love it then why don’t you marry it?
Dogs truly are man’s best friend and if you are looking to spoil your mutt this Samhain then there are a range of elaborate doggy outfits to tempt your four legged friend into a bout of trick or treating. Dog clothes have grown over the past fifteen years from the meagre beginnings of practicality to the dizzy heights of novelty and sheer amusement.
The dog owning population is split down the middle into those who love dog clothes and those who feel they are abhorrent. However we at the FFG like to laugh at everyone and we have decided to showcase some of the hot canine styles available for your pooch’s prowess this hallowed eve.
Humanity has developed to such high levels that we can now recollect on some of our most amazing achievements. We are living longer and killing each other in more imaginative ways than ever, however if truly need to take stock of a species then you must look at the things it creates. Human kind has beaten plagues, pestilence and peaceful protests through invention which many attribute to the rise of capitalism, so today we celebrate product design.
There have been a spate of bear attacks in the world recently which have sparked concern regarding people’s safety and ability to defend themselves. Although we are not quite as under attack all the time as the Bush administration had us believe, it is always important to be prepared in the event of someone attacking you and/or trying to slice you up real sweet and also bears.
Following the brutal bear attack on one of our most distinguished writers, we have decided to put together a guide to self defence. We are hoping you might be able to pull together enough to manage more than the writer in question, who just simply rocked in the foetal position murmuring, “It’s so slicey, it’s so slicey.” This is what a bear attack looks like:
Over the past 500 years Europe has been ravaged by wars. History accredits these conflicts to sovereignty, territory, religion and a number of other factors, however the FFG has delved deeper into the issue and discovered that every major European conflict is down to one reason. The reason is as old as the human race. Hanky Panky.
Countries have been at logger heads for centuries over which country is the best collective lover. Which nation has the A-game in the sack. Which republic can tickle your fancy. We have researched why the French are rumoured to be the best lovers and here is our reasoning:
Just in case you have not seen one of the hundreds of television and printed media advertisements that have bombarded to British public over the last decade, we at the FFG thought we would add the final cherry to the miserable sundae by delivering our fantastic ways to stop smoking.
Smoking is bad for you health in many ways. People have been aware of this fact for the better part of half a century however there are still an estimated 13 million smokers which equates to roughly 27% of the UK population. Surely that should point to the fact that despite the best efforts of everyone to communicate the fact that smokers are slowly and horrifically killing themselves and everyone around them, most people do not care.
Utt-Oooowwwww. Looks like there is trouble in paradise as our featured legend and generally brilliant person Tory McGill from GIT Industries has dissapeared over night. Without any warning whatsoever, the CEO of GIT Industries has been sliced out of the interweb. After launching the GIT SEO Server on Tuesday, GIT had a presence on YouTube, Vimeo and the High Position blog, however at around 11:00 this morning, all evidence of McGill’s existence was wiped from the face of the web.
A recent poll on the most popular baby names has revealed ‘Jack’ as the most popular boys name in England. Traditionally England has Enjoyed naming their children John, Ebert and Cedric, however now there seems to be a decisive shift toward the more American name of Jack.
There is no definitive evidence why this has happened, however FFG research points to the fact that eveyone wants their children to grow up into a real bad-ass like Jack Bauer from the hit US crime drama ’24′. Many US male movie protagonists are called Jack, another superb example being Jack Burton, from the cult classic Big Trouble In Little China.
It is a granted that we are all dying of swine flu, however we recently discovered that we are all under threat from the new deadly cyber strain of swine flu that has spread to computers. COMPUTER SWINE FLU.
Luckily a company called General Information Technology [GIT] Industries have come up with the only preventative measure against cyber H1N1, the Swine-flu Eradiction Option Server, or SEO server:
GIT SEO Server from Tory Mcgill on Vimeo.
We like Tory McGill!!!